id1341-Snippets for Christmas 2011

Written by DJ   

A further Christmas Treat for your delectation,all courtesy of David Jeacock,the BAL General Secretary and Legal Eagle

But,first,something to test your intellect - the Snippets Brain Teaser

"If twelve contains fifty five,five contains four and six contains nine,while eight and nine contain one each,how many does seven contain?"

First correct answer to DB gets the BAL Programme Compiler's job for life

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And,now,for a little bit of humour

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We hope you will not be adding to Google's revenues this Christmas,as they advertised

- Pure Speed - Pure Google - FREE

but then added

- From £30 per month

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Silly labels

WARNING : If this equipment is used improperly,fatal injury could occur. Such behaviour is dangerous because some parts might fly off,hitting other persons.

And this dangerous equipment?   A new flute.

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We saw a report of a butcher in Reading,who apparently was selling a squirrel. Attached to the squirrel was a warning:

CAUTION May contain nuts.

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And then there was the car alarm which said

Car not included

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The English language is a wonderful and patient thing as witness this sentence from a letter to The Times:

"In most years,several people were admitted with severe envenoming,after being bitten by adders"

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The same edition of The Times included this letter:

As a census enumerator we received this response to Q12

Occupation         I am a sculptor of stone lions

To the next question - "Please describe the nature of the work done".the responder wrote:

I chip away all the bits of stone that are not lion

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A railway story that might amuse

In 1872,a rather frustrated Goods Manager for the Midland Railway sent a circular to all stations:

"Wagon 11548.  This wagon containing about five tons of Pig Iron got away from York as an empty,and reached Burton on 4th instant,but we cannot trace disposal of contents. Be good enough to let me know by next train if you can trace receiving since that date any Iron answering this description"

We love the idea of the wagon getting away disguised as an empty.

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The lawyers also contribute

There was the advocate who perhaps passed the bounds of normal courtroom behaviour:

When Robert Wyn Jones addressed his client as a "thieving little twat" in front of an astonished courtroom,you would have expected a few stern words from the judge. Instead his crass description of the defendant was recognised as "commendable for (its) insight".

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We ought to say something about the bankers - everyone else is - even if we really,really like our own bankers an awful lot. We'd have to say that wouldn't we.

In 1846,the artist Benjamin Haydon wrote:

I fear nothing on earth but my Banker,when I have not 5 shillings on account and have a bill coming due and want help. The awful and steady look of his searching eyes; the quiet & investigating point of his simple questions;the 'hums' as he holds down his head as if he had Atlas on his shoulders. The fact is Coutts have had a great deal to do always with Men of Genius and they have a feeling for them & seem to think it is to the credit of the House to have one or two to scold,assist,blow up and then forgive. That is the way I have gone with them 29 years.

It is perhaps ironic that 165 years later Coutts were fined £6.5m by the FSA for mis-selling bonds.

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For our Scottish friends:

A Scottish gentleman,I was once told,is someone who can play the bagpipes,but doesn't.

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Anf,finally,a sports item:

Manchester City Football Club confirmed that the City of Manchester Stadium will be renamed the Etihad Stadium,after making a 10-year deal with the airline. Etihad means 'united' in Arabic,so City will now be playing at the United Stadium.

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A very good Christmas and a prosperous and happy 2012 to one and all.

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