id1354-Economic models explained with cows..........

Written by Anon   

With apologies to farmers,of course

Subject: Economic models explained with cows …

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You borrow against the cows from the Germans
You kill the cows and make souvlaki
You cannot pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You cannot pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You cannot pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You cannot pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money …..

About

  • 1985

    Our Humble Beginnings

    We are one of the biggest and friendliest athletics clubs in London and compete across a huge array of leagues, events and championships and have athletes of literally all standards and ages and across all events.

  • Inclusion

    Whether you are an 8 year old novice, a senior international or a “more mature” athlete looking to get back into the sport – we can help you achieve your goals.

  • Coaches for All

    We cater for runners, jumpers, throwers and multi-eventers on the track, in the field, on the roads or over the country and are based at Kingsmeadow in Kingston-upon-Thames (KT1 3PB). We'll be very happy to help you with your sport – so please just get in touch and we'll do all we can to assist.

  • Be Part
    Of Our
    Story!

Our Amazing Team

Bilen Ahmet

Jack Petchey Coordinator

Camilla Thrush

Club General Secretary
Club Merchandise
Disability Co-ordinator
Database Data Controller
Development Team
Club Coaches

Chris Dack

Web Admin

Gareth Cook

NAL Men’s Field Captain
Surrey Coach Mentor – Hammer
Surrey Men’s Team Manager

Gillian Libretto

Membership Secretary
Competition Vest supplier

Les Hatton

Interim Chair

Pat Logan

Coaching Coordinator

Peter Shilling

Peter Shilling
President & UKA Technical Official

Richard Holt

Head Coach
Website Content Admin

 

Contact Us