id1557-Pick of the Pops

Written by Noah   

To 'celebrate' the nearly 10 years that this website has been reporting the derring-dos of K&P,I thought I would select my favourite entry and redisplay it. I could have chosen a BAL promotion or a Rosenheim Trophy success,a Lily B Cup win or your new Gen Sec's elevation to international status,all worthy occasions,of which there have been and will continue to be many,but I have settled for a touch of the 'humour' which has from time to time infiltrated the site. So,by way of farewell as Editor very shortly and as a 'tribute' to those many who have provided reports/copy and services,not least your Webmaster and Designer for their philanthropy,here is one of my favourites. Adieu.

THE ARK

In the year 2006 , the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision. Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it

About

  • 1985

    Our Humble Beginnings

    We are one of the biggest and friendliest athletics clubs in London and compete across a huge array of leagues, events and championships and have athletes of literally all standards and ages and across all events.

  • Inclusion

    Whether you are an 8 year old novice, a senior international or a “more mature” athlete looking to get back into the sport – we can help you achieve your goals.

  • Coaches for All

    We cater for runners, jumpers, throwers and multi-eventers on the track, in the field, on the roads or over the country and are based at Kingsmeadow in Kingston-upon-Thames (KT1 3PB). We'll be very happy to help you with your sport – so please just get in touch and we'll do all we can to assist.

  • Be Part
    Of Our
    Story!

Our Amazing Team

Bilen Ahmet

Jack Petchey Coordinator

Camilla Thrush

Club General Secretary
Club Merchandise
Disability Co-ordinator
Database Data Controller
Development Team
Club Coaches

Chris Dack

Web Admin

Gareth Cook

NAL Men’s Field Captain
Surrey Coach Mentor – Hammer
Surrey Men’s Team Manager

Gillian Libretto

Membership Secretary
Competition Vest supplier

Les Hatton

Interim Chair

Pat Logan

Coaching Coordinator

Peter Shilling

Peter Shilling
President & UKA Technical Official

Richard Holt

Head Coach
Website Content Admin

 

Contact Us