Written by LH
"New research shows that over three-quarters of women and girls would play more sport if it better reflected the customer-friendly experience of shopping."
Heads down everybody for the 1500m round Tesco on Shannon Corner. In an exciting event today, contestants covered every aisle pausing occasionally for that unforgettable bargain. Winners were computed using a new set of metrics from England Sport including the ratio of shopping basket to body weight, Tesco-friendly attitude and the coefficient of friction vis a vis the trainers used and the natural stickiness of the aisles, particularly in the vicinity of the mango chutney shelving. Full allowance will be made for the disreputable exhibitionists normally to be found in fruit and vegetables after midnight.
"Sport England has underlined its commitment to strengthening its partnership with the higher education sector following the official launch of British Universities & Colleges Sport "
I wasn't sure if this was in English or not so I must currently decline to comment.
From www.idea.gov.uk (the Improvement and Development Agency)
"The culture and sport improvement strategy, with links to 'A Passion for Excellence', LAAs, the new CAA, CPA and information regarding national indicator set and performance data."
Unless I am mistaken, this isn't actually an English sentence as it lacks a verb although it has the kind of adverbial clause which would make my old English teacher's eyes water. I was looking ultimately for a gerund but was disappointed.
"The culture and sport improvement strategy has recommended the setting up of regional improvement networks for culture and sport. These will inform and support the wider regional strategies and provide support to councils."
A strategy cannot recommend anything - it is an abstract object. I slipped into unconsciousness before I got to the end of the rest.
"Play England is building the case for a strategic, cross-departmental play policy and implementation plan in England that is based on the vision that strong, vibrant communities have at their heart a variety of places for children to play."
Does this mean that they will stop demolishing children's playgrounds to sell to developers because the developers can't afford them any more as the banks have collapsed ?
I simply can't contain my excitement.
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